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    September 29

    大陽放假了

    大陽放假了

     

    換上雨水替班

    雨水没有用替班的心情去作工

    卻放肆地用自己清洗大地來

    想把可怕的罪惡都用自己一一的洗清

     

    我橕著雨傘走出門口,心情也是沉重的...

     

    雨下得很大,我手持著傘劃出的的彊界來,

    在傘下的領土是我的,一邊聽著雨點拍打在傘上,一邊等著山貓的出現

    (山貓是我對早上的小巴稱呼,因為司機駕車起來,每次轉燈前後,小

    巴有如一隻山貓看見獵物等候撲出的機會,所以每個早上坐小巴上班都好像玩完過山車般)

     

    當山貓出現,我如常的拿出耳機來,不知發生什麼事,耳機也知道我心情似的!

    隨機播放的都是節奏藍調(R&B)的歌曲,! 真是應景!

    雨點的拍打,跟著R&B的節奏相呼應,我的心情有如喝一杯冰凍的啤酒所釋出的情懷似的~~

     

    我的心情也好轉了......

    Comments (2)

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    好嘗試啊!
    可以再多用一點形容詞,才能令文章更有想像空間。
    跟你分享一個小心得 - 少用括號,或盡量把括號裡內容縮短。
    這樣才能保持文章時的流暢性。
    有時候真的不需用括號,要麼就將文章拉長一點,反正你都是在練習。
    還有,當你認真地寫一篇文章的時候,就要注意標點符號了。

    努力繼續寫!
    PRACTICE makes PERFECT !
    Oct. 1
    Toby Tobywrote:
    我好唔慣你咬文嚼字囉先生~
    仲有係"太陽"唔係大陽~
    係"撐", 唔係橕!!

    不過都合格的~ 呵~
    Sept. 29

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